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travel

Christian + BAM conference

By america, christian, He Writes, ministry, travel One Comment

A blog by Christian about his time at the BAM conference.

Do you know the first time in scripture the phrase “filled with the Spirit of God” is used (depending on your translation)? Exodus 31:3. God fills Bezalel with His Spirit … in order to work. God’s Spirit is connected with our work.

A couple weeks ago, I had the opportunity to attend the Business as Mission Conference in Philadelphia. The theme intrigued me, as our new venture will be to create a for-profit business in Ethiopia. I wanted to learn how business can be used as mission, and there was a lot to learn.

Many times, and this has been true in my life, the church has distinguished itself from business. Business is about money, and church is about God. There is a sacred-secular divide. There is an unspoken idea that business owners are *only* about making money. It’s about the bottom line. Business can’t ignore the bottom line of profit, but it can expand and have more than 1 bottom line. In fact, they have 4.

Profit. Obviously, if the company isn’t making a profit, it’s going to fail. Profit is important. It’s good even. But it’s not singular. Making money just for the sake of making money isn’t our God-given purpose.
People. A Business as mission cares about it’s people. Suppliers, employees, customers, and government officials. We ask ourselves, “Do I love my team/suppliers/customers/regulators as I love myself?” Business that ignores people and society is not doing mission.
Planet. We are called to be stewards of the Earth. We’re called to subdue it, not destroy it. Yes, we are supposed to use the things of the planet for our benefit, but not *solely* for our benefit. A business that destroys the planet is not glorifying God.
Eternal Purpose. This is the spiritual aspect. We need to be investing Spiritual Capital in people. We need to demonstrate a true relationship with Jesus and pray to the God of the harvest.

There were a few speakers that really stood out to me. One is a businessman in China. He has been working there for over 30 years, and has a manufacturing company brining in over $1 million every month. He also hires disabled people as a significant percentage of his workforce. He prays over his equipment and staff daily. He’s focused not just on revenue and profit, but also on the wellbeing of his people and their spiritual welfare.

We also heard from Shane Claiborne, who ministers in inner-city Philadelphia. He encouraged us to care about the poor. He shared stories of how they’ve ministered in their community with urban farming, providing low-cost housing, and non-violent activism.

Every speaker had great insights, from how we are seeing the lowest level of worldwide poverty ever in history, how we are combating human trafficking (a 32 Billion dollar “industry”), and how the church’s job is shalom – the flourishing of creation.

It was a great experience, and I’m glad I went. I was left with a few nuggets that I keep mulling over:
What will I personally do with my economic, social, and spiritual “capital”? Where will I invest it?
Remember that Jesus’ yoke is easy: the closer we are to Him, the easier the load for us.
I’m reminded of a comment from my missionary friend, who wasn’t at the conference: “Business can never be mission unless work is worship.”

Let’s remember that whatever we do today, we do it for His Glory.

A few pictures…

Marie went to college with Mike and Shannon. We lived in Moldova with them. To say that Marie and the girls were a little jealous is an understatement.

When you meet a mutual friend of your good buddy from Thousand Oaks. 🙂

Sight-seeing with new friends from the UK and Romania.

Philadelphia is beautiful!

Just a little liberty bell.

This is what you take when your wife says “please take more pictures!” :-p

Ended the week with another visit, this time friends from SoCal, plus we were able to present at their church!

life without dad

By addysengrace, america, christian, family, mercyadoniyah, ministry, school, travel No Comments

Whelp. We are three weeks into this USA homeschooling adventure and so far so good. It is weird not having kids go off every morning and come home every afternoon. There are some parts we really miss: the ease of uniforms, knowing that no matter what we are all ready for the day at 8am, and friends! On the other hand, there are some parts that are really nice: less stressful mornings, getting carried away and doing geography or science all day long and it doesn’t matter! And of course we are making friends. It just takes time and energy especially when you miss your other friends. We started gymnastics (Addy goes 5x a week and is finally…calm. Ha!) Mercy has karate twice a week and loves it, plus her Sensei said she is a nature and has the perfect personality for karate. We go to AWANA on Sunday afternoons at the church literally next door, Sierra Grace. Plus we will be going to field trips and activities through our school, Inspire Charter School.

Christian had his first week of solo traveling for Hope Takes Root (brand new site coming SOON!). He was able to attend a very interesting and helpful conference called BAM in Philidelphia. It was everything and more: inspirational, helpful, challenging, a networking opportunity, the list goes on! He is still traveling so I will have to wait until he gets home to get all the details. More to come. 😉 He was able to start the trip by visiting our friends, Mike and Shannon (and their boys) in Titusville. We spent a year in Moldova with them and they are some of our most awesome+like minded friends. The girls and I tried not to be too jealous! He is now spending the weekend in Harrisburg with other friends, originally from Thousand Oaks. He gets home early Tuesday morning.

It started well but included a little bug. Whoops.

Thank goodness it was short lived so while big sister had a middle school activity (what the goodness?), this little person and I went on a date.

Yesterday we tackled the shopping. We went to a USA mall which confused the girls (“where’s the grocery store, mama?”) to get my phone fixed. Then we did Sprouts and WalMart. My children think the Sprout’s cart is hysterical. Then we found Ursuletul Tedi which made their day but they wanted to know why tedi was spelled “so weird.: :-p

And let’s be honest. Everything is new or interesting. Why did Sprouts need to tell me my corn syrup came from corn? Does corn syrup every come from beets or wheat? And what in the world are boiled peanuts? Did I just miss this growing up or has the South, USA come to California?

One month

By addysengrace, america, family, mercyadoniyah, travel No Comments

We passed the one month mark of being in America. I’d be lying if I said it was smooth but this past month was definitely filled with grace!

We hit some milestones. Both girls allowed themselves to be sad and grieve instead of forcing themselves to stay “angry” about all the changes. Both girls when asked the question, “are you enjoying home?” went from angrily replying, “my HOME is in Romania” to explaining, “I like my California home but my real home is in Romania.” Baby steps. This is an emotional step in the right direction as we allow them to process their feelings in their own timing.

We also took a whirlwind road trip to celebrate Grandma Ducky’s bday and see our good friend Katherine and her son, Josh (9). We stayed with our Auntie Barbara and Uncle Steve and even managed to see a couple special people like Auntie G and Great-Grandma Ruth. We didn’t mention to many people that we were down there and we promise we will be back SOON for much LONGER. We really wanted to see Katherine since this is the first time we have seen her since 2008 (she is a missionary to Cambodia). But we had to hurry home because we started school today!

life as we know it

By addysengrace, adoption, christian, family, holidays, mercyadoniyah, travel No Comments

I apologise that we have been so quiet. It has been an interesting few months, with lots and lots of…busy-ness. We have been writing our newsletters somewhat regularly. If you want to know exactly what we have been up to, it is probably easier to read our last three newsletters.

1: adoption
2: ethiopia
3: summer plans

But if you don’t have time, here is a short summary of life in the Klein-Burtt household. 😉
1: started praying about life changes (God works in quiet and mysterious ways!).
2: started an international Colombian adoption.
3: officially decided to move to Ethiopia and start a new ministry+social enterprise with Hope Takes Root (run by Marie’s brother and his wife, Aaron and Cacey).
4: began planning a USA furlough that will include laying the ground work for our new ministry in Ethiopia, finishing our Colombian adoption, traveling around and speaking at churches and even starting Amharic language lessons!

That is the shortest version ever — so if it doesn’t make sense, definitely read our newsletters! We are in the throes of packing and it is definitely emotional plus a lot of work. One minute we are laughing and talking about our new brothers or sisters or living with Grammie and Pops or life in Ethiopia and the next minute we are crying or feeling angry as we process this transition and loss. Keep us in your prayers as we walk through this crazy life transition.

One last thing before some awesome photos. 😉 Please be sure to follow along with our adoption — we would love nothing more than to walk this journey with you. This is our page telling about it and this is our fundraising site. We would be more than blessed if you wanted to share it via Facebook, Instagram, word of mouth, whatever!

And finally, pictures of our summer family vacation! We have been planning and looking forward to this trip for about 15 months and it was well worth the wait! We spend 10 days in Italy with family — five days on the edge of Lake Como and five days in Venice. Personally, I fell in love with Venice. Such a crazy cool city.

We made it!

But oh so tired.

Beautiful Lake Como

Getting right down to business. :-p

These three were so excited to be reunited.

Swim day!

Quick stop over in Milan.

Venice is beautiful!

Murano and Burano adventures

Cutest weirdos

Gelato every day!

Our last dinner in Italy.

Headed to the airport in the early hours of the morning.

fund raising here we go!

By addysengrace, adoption, america, christian, crafts, family, mercyadoniyah, ministry, romania, travel No Comments

Our Adoption Store

We wil be selling various handmade goods to raise money for our adoption! All donations will go through Lifesong for Orphans, an organization that takes 0% of what you give. We are very excited to start off by offering you these hand-drawn greeting cards by Marie, Addy, and Mercy!

Suggested donation: $3 for 1, $5 for 2, $7 for 3 + postage.

You are {always} welcome to donate more 🙂 . Please email Marie [marie{dot}burtt{at}gmail{dot}com] with which cards you want and how many. Then go to our mySTORY to donate.

birthday trio by Marie

car trio by Mercy

thank you by Marie

forever friends by Marie

leaves duo by Addy

kitty by Mercy

outdoors trio by Marie

kitty and fish duo by Addy

Other ways to help:

  • Share our mySTORY giving page
  • Donate handmade goods for us to sell
  • Buy coffee! 50% of your purchase goes towards our adoption plus 100% of profit goes to orphan care

beautiful romania

By holidays, romania, travel No Comments

Disclaimer – this post has no pictures of people. These were all my pictures of scenery, things that caught my eye, buildings, whatever. Skip, skim or enjoy if you love travel pictures!

Săpânța
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Baia Mare
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Târgu Mureș
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Sighișoara
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Petroșani
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Hunedoara
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Brașov
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roadtrip{4}

By addysengrace, christian, family, holidays, mercyadoniyah, romania, travel No Comments

Day Thirteen
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Processed with MOLDIV Sure enough, after a really rough night, Marie woke up hurting all over and with a fever. We had been promising Mercy the entire trip that we would go to the dino park, so of course daddy did just that. They had a blast and Christian even remembered to take a few pictures! He actually remembers to take selfies better than Marie does. 😀

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Processed with MOLDIV When they got home, we decided to try walking to the park since Marie had slept the day away. It was only about an hour long excursion but she made it! It was nice to get some fresh air. Brasov is a lovely town with lots of friendly kids that speak English as well as our kids do (side note, our kids’ English needs some work, ha!).

Day Fourteen
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img_2962This was another day we had planned long ago – – to meet up with our community group for a really cool hike so it isn’t shocking that Marie was 100% disappointed to be feeling icky (sick enough to stay home – – ask her mom, Bonnie, that is RARE). Christian and Addy ended up going and Marie and Mercy ended up doing a lot of snuggling and sleeping but also some mama+Mercy time which ended up being a sweet time.

Day Fifteen
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*H*O*M*E*

roadtrip{3}

By addysengrace, christian, family, mercyadoniyah, romania, travel No Comments

Day Eight
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Processed with MOLDIV Day eight, we explored Sighișoara. We enjoyed our day there although we discovered it was more expensive than all the other places we visited and Addy was under the weather. We took it slow and easy and were a little worried about her by the end of the day.

Day Nine
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Processed with MOLDIV Day nine was NOT the day we planned. After a rough night realizing something was off with Addy, we made texted and called friends in Bucharest until we decided where to take Addy – – we ended up at the Children’s Hospital in Sibiu. Come to find out, Addy was at the end of a bacterial infection thanks to some (quite traumatic) bloodwork. She ended up getting IV fluids and meds and spending the afternoon in the hospital before we headed on to Petroșani. Always an adventure with these kids, haha!

Day Ten
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Processed with MOLDIV We made it to Petroșani. Way long ago (ok fine just 2005), I went with Petroșani to serve with Kelle (Gammie) Andrieș. Since since we have both lived in the USA at some point, both gotten married, had kids and returned to Romania to live/serve full-time. What a fun afternoon letting our kids meet and play. They hit it off beautifully!

Day Eleven
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Processed with MOLDIV This was our only repeat from last summer – – Hunadoara! We really enjoy the pension we have found here (Casa lui Craciun if you google it). We went to the Castle Corvin again (a must!) and ended with some swimming because he (pension owner) has his own little private swimming pool so even Mercy could go swimming!

Day Twelve
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Processed with MOLDIV Also a random day – – the day we woke up feeling great, drove a beautiful drive to Brasov and by the time we got there, Marie was feeling pretty yucky. But hey, the girls looked cute, ha!

…to be continued!

roadtrip{2}

By addysengrace, christian, family, mercyadoniyah, romania, travel No Comments

Day Five
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Processed with MOLDIV Day five was full and fun! We started at the Târgu Mureș zoo which we visited last year. It is such a fun zoo and you can get so close to the animals. Then we played at the most amazing play place next to the zoo. It has a free adventure rope course, mini ziplines, a train, etc. (Videos in a later post!) We also made sure to scrap-journal almost every evening.

Day Six
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Processed with MOLDIV Day six was also a blast – – we really like Târgu Mureș! We walked through the Cetate and then toured the Culture house which is awesome. Absolutely beautiful. There were rooms we couldn’t take pictures in, including a room of all stained glass murals. Amazing! We ended at the theater, because the new Pete’s Dragon was playing, duh!

Day Seven
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Processed with MOLDIV Day seven started in Târgu Mureș and ended in Sighisoara. We walked through the center of Târgu Mureș one more time just because we really liked it and Marie wanted to take more pictures. Then we drove to Sighisoara which was super nice but super expensive! The really fun part of Sighisoara was that we ended up being there the weekend of a dance/music. We also chose our souvenir – – a wooden carved bowl because we could watch the man carve it and he took a picture with us! Plus we found a teal “DohDoh door” (aka Marie’s sister’s favorite color) and we ended with sorbet!

That is all for now! Have no fear – – we have SIX more posts still. 🙂

roadtrip{1}

By addysengrace, christian, family, holidays, mercyadoniyah, romania, travel No Comments

Day One
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Processed with MOLDIV Longest driving day by far! We drove 600 kilometers from Bucuresti all the way to Baie Sprie, with a couple breaks including ice cream in Alba Iulia. Christian has completely mastered driving a clutch, which is nice for Marie. Honestly, she prefers to read out loud to the girls, and snap twenty million photos of the passing by country. He drove 90% of the trip this time (last year it was about 50-50).

Day Two
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Processed with MOLDIV Day two we also drove…up to Săpânță where we visited the Merry Cemetary…which was weird! There were foreigners taking pictures, but not understanding the tombstones. There were non-religious Romanians reading the tombstones and laughing. AND there were orthodox Romanians, lighting candles, being very somber because it is also a church with places to light candles and pray. Such a unique experience for sure! We weren’t exactly sure how to tell the girls to behave!

Day Three
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Processed with MOLDIV By day three, we needed a driving break…so we explored Baie Mare. It was a lot of fun! We found a planetarium for Addy, our future astronaut and she was in heaven. We also found a play place at the mall. We walked around the center square but got there right at 4pm when the clock tower was closing. So instead we walked around and learned a little about Baie Mare’s Hungarian history (it is really interesting).

Day Four
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Processed with MOLDIV Day four we went straight back to the center of Baie Mare before driving to Târgu Mureș because we really wanted to climb Steven’s Tower. Mercy loved every step of the way, “using” her map and even walking circles outside on the (open) balcony with Marie. She is very fearless, that is for sure. Addy stayed inside and kept Christian company. We were going to do more, but around lunch time Addy was acting really off and fussy almost to the point of being “difficult” (which is very unlike her, but we are used to all the emotions these days ever since losing Noelan). Looking back now – – it was her bacterial infection getting the best of her! What a trooper she ended up being. We can’t believe she stayed smiling!

…to be continued because we took a lot of photos. And these aren’t even Marie or the girls’ camera photos!

noelan truth

By addysengrace, america, christian, eisleyhope, family, Foster/Adoption, mercyadoniyah, noelantruth, romania, travel 18 Comments

I didn’t think I would write about this honestly. Part of me wants to close up and not share a word. Yet the questions have come quickly but out of love. Why?! I don’t get it! Can’t you do something?! Can I help?! I am not sure where to begin. I have been quiet – – we have been quiet, because we were doing quite simply what we were asked to do – – parent. Last February found us in no way planning a trip to the USA. Christian and I packed up our family and moved to Eastern Europe on January 16th, 2012. We didn’t do it because we are amazing. We did it because the call is real and we consider ourselves disciples and followers of Jesus Christ. And then that push comes to shove, you go. And so with a whole lotta awkward, no idea, we packed up our three year old, our six month old, eight 22 gallon plastic sterilite containers, a carseat, a stroller, a sewing machine, and a few other random things. We were blessed to be surrounded by very loving, very forgiving people as we blundered through culture shock and insensitivity, being homesick, grief mixed with excitement and so much more.

Fast forward from January 2012 to March 2015, when our world changed in every way. My niece, Eisley Hope was born on March 23rd and twelve days later, her brave fight to live was over. We had experienced adoption loss before and we had experienced the death of grandparents and friends, but this was something we had never experienced before. Addy and Mercy were shaken. We were shaken. They were crushed and bruised. We were crushed and bruised. After a whirlwind come back to the USA just three weeks after our 2015 furlough, we found ourselves back home in Romania with a huge hole in our hearts. So we did what we know best – – we kept going. We can look back now and see all the amazing people that walked alongside of us, making sure we were okay. We found Mercy the resources she needed and after two very scary months with our precious little girl that had stopped communicating, she started trying again. we saw her slowly emerge from the dark shell she had disappeared into. At Christmastime, DohDoh (my sister) and Uncle Tanner came to visit (Eisley’s parents). As I stood back and watched the chaos of laughter, fun and life – – I saw our family healing. I saw a new kind of “okay” where Eisley’s death doesn’t define us but it changes us into better people. I saw hope and joy in our family again.

So when February 2016 rolled around, we didn’t see ourselves doing much or going anywhere anytime soon. Gosh, we were just proud that we made it through most of winter and spring was on the way. Addy is doing brilliantly in Romanian public school. She is funny and energetic and social and bright and loud. She is creative and joyful. She speaks Romanian better (proper with amazing vocabulary) than many seven year olds born in Romania. Christian and I have felt a tiny bit of jealousy a few times, listening to her flawless language skills. Mercy is doing simply amazing at her new kindergarten. After a rough spring/summer 2015, we were so blessed to enroll her in a brand new kindergarten where we watched her become a new child. She is fierce and intense but loving and kind. She is freakishly smart and can already out argue her parents through logic and persistence. Every morning, she would wake up ready for school and life. I can honestly say the girls were thriving and I think Christian and I were doing pretty good too.

Let’s face it – – we are surrounded by kids without parents. It comes with the job. If I wanted to go find myself a child to make “mine” it wouldn’t be legal but it wouldn’t be difficult either. My life is a mixture of family, church family and kids without a family. Our holidays and weekends include extra kids on a regular basis. I can’t pick up Addy from school without giving 14 million hugs and receiving 29 million crushing squeezes. I go to the mini-market and find 1 or 2 kids I know that shout, “hey Meeeerrrrrrryyyyyy!” I say this because we weren’t looking or even really considering growing our family just yet. Our desire has always been to adopt while living in Romanian after we receive citizenship (the legal way for Americans to adopt) and citizenship takes time. So when Noelan found us, we weren’t sure. Noelan’s story is “simple” enough yet filled with trauma. He was born in Africa and quickly shuffled around from orphanage to foster mom. His California family began his adoption and asked us to be his godparents. We began praying for him while he was just an infant and I love that part of his story.

Like many, most, all Africa adoption, his hit some major bumps and he ended up living with his sweet foster mama for the first three years of his life. Many times it was thought his adoption would not take place but then in January it did. And we found ourselves peering through FaceTime watching him arrive in SoCal and we were full of excitement and joy. But as we know and have experienced and lived, adoption is not an easy nor simple way to add a child to your family. It is a decision to love a child that might be “broken” according to the worlds standards but I would argue that the world is what is actually broken. Adoption is parenting a child with a complex and confusing background, understanding that they might look “fine” on the outside but on the inside they are carrying very deep, very real, very painful wounds. And Noelan’s new legal parents found themselves unable to care for him, to which I say, that is okay.

So in February when they asked us to come and be his forever family, we found ourselves very, very conflicted. Everything in us said we needed to go and yet nothing inside of us wanted to uproot our lives for an unknown time. We wrestled and sought counsel. I still remember my older brother saying, “my fear is that he is too much to for them to parent while he is living with them but once he is gone, he won’t be too much to parent and they will think they can do it and then they will get him back and he will be too much for them to parent and a vicious cycle will start.” And we knew he was 100% right because let’s face it – – we are all awesome parents until we actually have kids. Heck I was the world’s best parent before Addy was born. Yet in our heart of hearts we still felt the urge to go. Our sweet little godson was in danger – – this isn’t stuff you make up. His new legal parents were crying out for help, confessing that they wanted him out of the house, their marriage was in shambles, their home was dangerous and toxic from him – – all words direct from their own mouths. Christian looked at me and said, “if we don’t go, we will always regret it.”

My parents rearranged their lives and schedules to pick him up from SoCal with less than 24 hours notice – – because from the mouths of his new legal family, it was for his own safety. My sister and her husband rearranged everything to provide emergency respite for him. And on the night of February 18th, they got my precious little boy, shell-shocked, numb and turned off to the world. He wasn’t in good condition. He was very dehydrated. He drank and drank and drank water until you had to take the water away and he would tantrum for it. His lips were scabbed and peeling. His skin was dry and peeling. He was simply numb to the world and life around him. DohDoh rocked him for hours those first ten days. Tanner sat on the floor and played cars over and over and over. Pops would get him from DohDoh’s office and drive him up to the “big house” (our name for Grammie and Pop’s house) and Grammie would watch him during the day. He had a non-stop “cold” for the first week.

And we furiously paused life in Romania. We got out cash time and time again (ATM’s have limits you know) and prepaid bills for a couple months as customary in Romania. We started praying and rearranging money to come up with the needed adoption fees (let’s be honest, missionaries and humanitarian workers don’t exactly make big bucks). We pulled Addy out of school and her gymnastics class just a month before starting competitions. We pulled Mercy out of her kindergarten and her swim lessons. Tears of confusion streamed down her cheeks on her last day at school with her sweet best friends Tibi and Iusti. We tried to explain to our “other” kids that we would be gone just for a couple months and we would come back but I knew in my heart “gone” means “forever” in these kids’ hearts and the tears that welled up broke my heart. Our ministry director was encouraging through it all – – reminding us that God would take care of the ministry while we were gone. So with time we didn’t have and money we didn’t have, we came to California on February 29th and we met our son.

It was blurry in the beginning, jumping into mama and daddy to an adorable but freaked out little boy but it was so worth it. The nights were long and the days even longer but it was worth it. The first snuggle, the first “I love you mama” that came in April made it worth it. The girls reaching out and hugging and tickling and loving their brother made it worth it. And with time we saw him start to thrive. He began using words instead of wails, eating healthy portions of food and using the potty for pee and poo. Yes, these are life’s little successes. Don’t get me wrong, for every two steps forward we would take a step back. This is normal development for an adopted child. Noelan’s three and a half years of life are filled with loss, pain, goodbyes, fear and failures. But we were blessed to know a little better this time around how to meet his needs. So we took every day as a new start in this weird pretend life we were living in California. We morphed into homeschooling Addy and Mercy in Romanian (hello challenge) while blending a family of three kids that were strangers one day and siblings the next.

And we kept waiting. It gets tricky here but you asked, so here is the “simplified” answer. Noelan’s legal family was not completely his legal family – – because he was in the middle of an uncompleted African adoption. So his legal family couldn’t sign over parental rights until they legally completed his adoption. Maybe Christian and I are dumb, maybe we just love and trust too much, maybe we just need to have faith that Noelan needed us. But the problem is that we simply believed their word. So we plowed ahead with nothing more legal than a Power of Attorney. We did medical appointments, blood work, vaccinations and minor surgery. We did play therapy and TBRI (Karyn Purvis’ trust-based relational intervention). And we waited for April 5th when his legal family would receive the paperwork they needed to relinquish parental rights.

But they didn’t sign. We asked them why and it was a new excuse every day. We tried to explain we couldn’t stay here indefinitely while they let us babysit Noelan. We tried to remind them why they asked us to come. We tried to answer questions and be 100% open and vulnerable. All the while, the stress just grew in our little family. We tried to hide it from Addy and Mercy but they are just too smart and they would overhear something, see something, know something. And meanwhile, the love and bond between us and our new son simply strengthened. He became a mama’s boy with a deep love for daddy’s tickles. He found comfort in his relationship with Addy and mischief in his relationship with Mercy. He asked daily to visit Grammie or Pops or DohDoh or Tanner.

And we kept waiting, trying to financially afford two lives, one here in California and one in Romania. And we tried to give a grieving family time and space and love. When May rolled around and we were told that no paperwork had been signed, we were confused and devastated. There is nothing quite like loving and pouring your life into a child that you have no “legal claim” to. Our watching in desperation, knowing he has attached to his new family, us. Watching his behaviors show the beginning steps of healing, watching the successes begin to outnumber the setbacks, all the while knowing that a family he wasn’t attached to was weirdly obsessed with him. And finally, waiting as his legal family was told by the adoption agency, “You need to make a decision because Noelan is attached to his family and Noelan deserves permanency” and instead being told, “Nope we changed our minds, we want him back, we are attached to him.” Because you know, 20 days of “this child is in danger in our toxic home” is more beneficial to Noelan that 93 days in a unconditionally loving and stable environment. (sarcasm) Please don’t get me wrong – – I won’t claim perfection, simply unconditional love and safe stability. And that is what Noelan needed and deserved.

Why is he gone in a blur? Why weren’t his aunties and uncles, other grandparents or friends able to say goodbye? Maybe because on Thursday we chose Monday to take him to the adoption agency (over an hour away) and on Friday at 9a we received a call from our social worker telling us they were demanding him that day and we needed to have him in Sacramento by noon. I am so grateful that in that blur at least his Auntie DohDoh and Uncle Tanner were able to drop everything and race up to see him. And I am more than grateful for Uncle Tanner and Pops that bravely drove him to Sacramento and handed him over to a family that was acting out of selfish gain without a single concern for Noelan. And I am so grateful for Pops, that bravely tried one last time to advocate for Noelan.

And now we are here. In California without our home, but surrounded by some of the most amazing and loving family and friends. I lay awake last night, unable to sleep for most of the night, as my mind whirled and swirled, as I, Noelan’s mama, cried myself to sleep wondering if he was ok, as I woke up panicked over and over hearing his phantom cries in my head. To be the parents of a young, innocent child but not have any legal rights over him has got to be one of the worst things I have ever felt. I don’t have a lot of answers or resolution to this blog post. I would just ask that you would pray for Noelan Truth, his safety and his heart. I would ask that you would pray for Mercy Adoniyah because she feels so deep and so strongly. I would ask that you pray for Addy Grace because she loves so intensely. And I would ask that you would pray for us, our family and everyone around us. This pain is deep.

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