trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. proverbs 3:5 & 6.
can a human step of faith ever be 100% faith? honestly, i’m not sure if it can. what do i mean? i think faith is something we are called to do in order to obey the Lord. but i wonder how many of us still have a little expectation mixed in with that step of faith. i know i do. i know we did.
fostering was a step of faith for christian and i. we’ve always known we were called to physically adopt a child or more than one child. we didn’t realize the Lord was leading us to foster until we had been married for about six months. when we finally realized we were being called to fost-adopt, we were willing to take that step of faith. but here’s the kicker. the truth of the matter is, we brought an expectation with us, called permanency.
we thought we would fost-adopt our first sibling group. i know they tell you it may not happen, but we were so sure of it. we knew there was a chance that parental rights might not be terminated, but we were pretty sure they would be and we would find ourselves adopting. we never dreamed that the Lord might ask us to foster but not adopt. that would be the expectation we brought along.
the truth is, the Lord hasn’t give any of our kids to us permanently. He’s just loaning each and every one of them to us. for our oldest three, five months was all He planned on, i guess. i can fight it, i can run…but in the end, i have to accept it. the Lord is closing the door for us to adopt our oldest three girls and whether it makes sense to us or not, we have to trust that the Lord’s will is good and that He cares for all of us.
honestly? i’m scared. will my girls be okay? will someone love them and hug them and tell them about Jesus? will someone tuck them in at night and pray for them? will someone brush their teeth and braid their seriously curly, tangled hair? i don’t know.
i know some of you will want to know what, why, how? you will have to trust us when we tell you this decision was not made lightly. it was made with pain, with tears, with fasting and with prayer. it was made with godly and wise people involved. it was made with safety, love and our girls’ best interest. what you must know is that somehow through this painful decision and realization, all four of our girls will be safer. that is something we are asking you to try and understand.
will addy ever understand? will she ever understand why they took away her three sisters? will she be able to trust us when we tell her we know it was God’s will? or with time will she simply forget and not even remember on her own that once she had three older sisters? i ask myself these questions over and over and i don’t have any answers.
i don’t have answers for anything right now. but i know that my Lord will be there with my girls through it all. i know He will go with them and He will be protecting them. I know that He will help Addy understand why someday. And I know He will heal christian’s and my hearts eventually. i also know that it will all take time. please pray for our family and us during this very difficult time.
the girls will leave this thursday. i know it seems suddenly, but we felt it was better to keep it quiet since we weren’t allowed to tell them anything until today (tuesday). last friday, i was praying and i told the Lord, “i feel so out of control” and in that calm, quiet voice he gently rebuked me, “you were never in control, marie.” one thing we would like all of you to know is that we are so thankful to have had the support and prayers from all of you and are so thankful to know that already now, you are praying for us.
those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. he who continually goes forth weeping, bearing seed for sowing, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him. psalm 126: 5 & 6.
marie and christian