saturday night i couldn’t fall asleep. now mind you, i had just gotten back from a klein girls’ overnight in ventura/santa barbara. (which, was a BLAST…thank you mama for planning it and cacey, sarah and dora for being my sisters and dad and christian for watching addy and emma!) but as i lay in my bed and everyone else was falling asleep, i just felt sad and i didn’t know why. finally i rolled over and picked up my phone and read the time…12:01a, june 13th…and i started to cry. i don’t know why saturday, day 30 was a normal day and why today, day 32 was a normal day but sunday, day 31, ONE MONTH was a painful day. i just know that as i lay there, i missed my girls.
so i remembered because that is what my mind had decided to do. i pictured that thursday morning, the last time i got all four girls up and ready. i remembered getting home around 3:30p and putting them in their best-est outfits and fixing their hair one last time. i thought about how our social worker was supposed to be there by 4p but she wasn’t. i smiled because i remembered that at 5p i fed them a snack dessert of ice cream. i cried as i pictured the social worker getting there at 6 and we buckled them into their seats one last time and hugged them one last time and kissed them one last time two last times and told them to obey one last time. and then i walked back to the house with christian, only this time it was in my head but it helped me to once again surrender them to the Lord and let them go.
and i was better.
sometimes we just need to stop everything and grieve a little more.
all things considered, we are doing good around here. we had a very quiet week after the girls left and then the following week we flew to indiana for my cousin laurie’s wedding. we got to see lots of family and friends, including my cousin jen and her husband and two kids who are missionaries to a secret country that i can’t tell you or else i’d probably have to burn my laptop. (that could be a slight exaggeration but it sounds so interesting!)
since getting home, i have cleaned and organized a lot. addy has almost finished potty-training, on her own. i have to add that little tag because i don’t want you to think i am forcing an 18 month old to potty train…that kid wants candy! she has become obsessed with “elmo!” of late and identifies two, four, ten new things a day. (i didn’t know she talked but i am wondering if she was just over talked in the bustle of children.) she points things out to me all day long…”dada keys,” “high chair,” “apple,” “bird,” and so forth. last week we went to her 18 month check up and she was a champ! she’s a shorty…31″ and 22 pounds, putting her in the 10th percentiles all around. she decided to show off to the doctor. when he asked to look in her ear, she pointed to her ear and exclaimed, “ear mine!” when he asked, “may i take your diaper off now?” she pointed at her diaper and matter-of-factly informed him, “potty, poo-poo, candy!” i don’t think he understood that she was explaining how to potty train, but oh well.
i should add that she had a blast with her cousin emma who was here for the weekend. this morning she woke up and was walking into the living room and as she past the other bedroom, she shouted, “emma!” and threw her hands in the air. it was so sad to remind her that emma went home. emma, come back and bring spencer with you!
i haven’t downloaded pictures off my camera in a while…but here are a couple from our last two days with the girls: